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12.12.2013 - 3 Steps to Deal with Conflicts Conflicts are an integral part of our life. They are a testimony to our intrinsic human nature and complexity. Whilst we should focus to learn how to avoid them, it is important to know how to get out of them.
Understanding Why we act the way we do?
A little bit of theory
On a daily basis, we use four mental processes and four orientations towards the world. These result in 16 different Psychological types. Our mental processes can be described using two dichotomies, the way we take in information (using our Senses or our Intuition) and the way we make decisions (in a more analytical way or more in relation to people/values). Our orientation are described using further two dichotomies, the way we energise ourselves (energised by the outer world or Energised by our inner world) and how we then interact with the external world ( in a more structured way or in a more free flowing way). Our inclination to use a particular side of the dichotomy is called our preference. Hence each of us have an inborn tendency to use predominantly four preferences.
In addition we do not use these mental processes with equal strength and control. We use consciously primarily our Dominant function and Auxiliary function. In times of stress/conflict when our subconscious strength on our behaviour is greatest, we use our Tertiary and Inferior functions. Our Inferior function is the psychological opposite of our dominant one and is usually expressed with equal strength and energy. Hence we end-up using our non-preferred function in times of stress. “We do not seem ourselves, We act so out of character.”
People experience most difficulty using their non-preferred function when it relates to their interaction with the outer world (judging or perceiving). As such these play a crucial role in conflicts. The way we make decisions is also a key to the way conflicts are being played out. Hence our psychological preference (Thinking vs Feeling) leads to the development of misunderstandings.
Thereby, looking at our decision-making preference and its interplay with our relationship to the outside world provides an important clue to our focus to conflict and how we will respond to it.
This self-awareness brought by understanding of our psychological type and knowledge of others forms a strong base for developing coping strategies.
Help What Should I do?
Building on each person’s psychological strength is key to successfully navigating the conflict. Each step requires both participants to Internalise and Externalise decisions and implementation. As such, providing each person an ability to contribute to the conflict resolution using his own mental preference fosters the greatest probability of success. Most conflicts can be resolved using a simple three prone approach:
1- Creating space is about vocalising and sharing/truly understanding all opinions/information relating to the conflict from all sides, thereby creating a wider space around the conflict, and opening up prospect for resolution.
2- Adding Value is about bringing balance by recognising that our views are also shaped by our inborn mental preferences. Realising how this translates in the current conflict will enable both parties to find a more balanced position and will bring parties closer together
3- Seeking closure is a key steps as otherwise impression can persists that nothing as been achieved. Closure does not mean resolution. Often conflict resolution is a long drawn process, it might simply mean agreeing on broader decision principles or simply on the next common step to take. It needs to be vocally expressed so that no doubt linger about what common ground has been achieved.
Each Step of the conflict‘s resolution process tend to make use of specific mental function. A such the Space Creation would use the « perceiving » function, The Adding Value would both use our analytical & value base decision making processes «Thinking or Feeling» and the Seeing Closure would mostly use our « Judging » process (seeking an orderly outcome to the conflict). Depending on our type, we will hence find ourselves at odds at various stages of the process.
Each party to the conflict will need to contribute to the three steps, but recognising their inborn psychological preference and hence their natural contribution will enable a quicker resolution. Providing re-assurance/support during the steps of the conflict resolution where they have to use their out-of-preference function is key to a creating a successful outcome.
Conclusion
Understanding one’s Psychological type provides a powerful tool to navigate through conflicts. A 3-steps approach to conflict resolution provides a simple yet effective framework. The difficulty resides in its implementation and recognising in what proportion our natural type influence our behaviour in the conflict at play.
We can then identify what each of us can contribute to a resolution, what we need from others, how other may perceive us, how we may act under stress, what are the potential sources of conflicts, what we tend to overlook in a conflict situation and what are our areas for growth.
Taken together this knowledge will in turn help us avoid and minimise future conflict situations.
Author: Alexandre HEBERT- Principal Life Coach – Grip Advisory Reference “Introduction to type & conflict, Damian Killen/Danica Murphy -2003”
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